Troubled Thoughts and the Self-Esteem to Match

Worship Leaders, Pastors, and Worship in General

2010-02-17T11:41:00.000-08:00

So after another class today I have some serious thoughts and scenarios running through my head. My professor advocated against worship being so influenced by music. He stated that the early Baptists were correct in the limiting of service to no singing, and even no music was not necessarily a bad judgment. Better yet he labeled christian contemporary worship music as repetitive trash, and the idea of worship leader a joke.

The point of class seemed to be that the early Baptists were not then and now should not be a group that gathers to worship with "soul patches and arms spread wide singing trash" on the guitar to worship God, they need to be grounded in historical Calvinistic ideology. Hence, the early Baptist service that played and sang Psalms, if any music and entirely being what came from the sermon should be normative, because it should be like a service we find only in scripture.

My problems are these:

1) If we should return to a Calvinistic understanding of our faith why then should we bother how we worship?
2) In addition why do we bother to have outreach?

My what if(s):

1) What if we return to a Calvinistic understand of our faith? If we become strict adherents of Calvin we must remember that there is no such thing as being able to worship unless God divinely directs one to worship. Therefore any way is worship if done in the church or by Christians because a "true church" according to Calvinistic doctrine is any church made up of the elect, because no true church is made up of anything else. There all worshiping is done in a manner in which God has ordained in a Calvinistic church and this argument is mute.

Secondly, if churches that are meeting and worship with a leader and full out rock band are not "true churches" then that would greatly decrease the number of Southern Baptists; in addition if they are not real churches that means their history would be one in which they sent many members to hell, and God divinely directed that as well.

2) Why bother with outreach and missions if we return to Calvin? We have the elect and the doomed. Nothing can change that status, and we should simply focus on our own problems and concerns because God has already saved those he will save, no amount of mission work will be needed because whether or not they hear the Gospel they are saved.

My thoughts stand as this:

I would venture to say that in large part the current SBC does not adhere to mostly Calvinistic thought, though they would argue they do. In addition, Southeastern itself should stand as a walking contradiction. Southeastern has the largest mission program in the SBC, with an entire school and degree programs in missions. If this is the case, why would we waste money sending people to spread the Gospel, or have statistics on those accepting and rejecting the Gospel, God already picked them, we are having no real affect.

Secondly, if worship leaders are not what is needed, and the focus on the service and worship is solely what is coming from the pulpit why do pastors have so little to say? If what is the norm now is that people don't feel like they worshiped because they didn't sing what does that say came from the pulpit, little. It seems than that the problem is not based on singing in worship but that many pastors don't say anything that has a lasting impact on the congregation like a song that can tell a life story, or speak of God has the ability to do.

Further, if the only understanding for what our churches should look like comes only from scripture, why then do we have to have leaders with doctorates, schools, seminaries and everything else to minister. The early church was led by fishermen! They had no doctorate, no book deals, they taught what was their life, what God had intimately done for them. Apparently, our churches today do nothing but have to train people what to say because they have no experience of their own.

Further I would argue that we need to mostly reject Calvin, and Luther and whoever else because our theology should come from God. Calvin said that we can do nothing on our own accord, whether we worship or curse God comes from God, therefore we would have no outreach, no anything. Further, Calvin as leader in Geneva murdered, as leader he burned at the stake those who disagreed or were counted as heretics. His understudy Zwingli did the same. So how can we return to that theology? It is like taking everything that Luther said, he also argued on Good Fridays for the beating and attack of the Jews? That doesn't sound to scriptural to me either.

If we are to be a Church, not an SBC, a Methodist, a Catholic one we need to check ourselves at the door. Remember it should be Christ who lives in us, no Calvin. We read the Gospels and forget that Jesus was homeless, poor, and counter-culture, read the sermon on the mount. How can we then disrespect his blood, on his cross by saying that he only died for a select few. Think now of the 6 billion people plus that live on this earth, how can we say he only died for a few of them in totality when we think of how many have lived on earth. That is a trivialization of the passion that I want to have no part of and Mr. Calvin can answer to God for that on his own.

Further, I am fine with a worship service based on the sermon that is how it should be it should be God's word for his people at that time. So Pastors, do your job, stop googling sermons and getting them off a website, stop using book print outs for a sermon. Search for God, and search him for hours, beg him to give you what needs to be said, say something other than we need a bigger sanctuary, stained glass, more pews, more seats, more involvement. Your passion should make people run to the altar in tears, or run out of service to get a friend to bring them to hear what you are saying.

If worship leaders, and Chris Tomlin's songs are the biggest problem with the Southern Baptist Convention and with churches in general, that is a road that I do not want to be on. Let me not even take time to mention if we return to Calvin and the NT that the women are told they can not speak, or teach in church anymore. And church pageants, man, there goes another one out the window, I don't think Peter and Paul were trying to audition for one when they were serving, at least we don't have it in scripture, there goes another ministry.

Conclusion:

Oh, America, how we have become so comfortable that our arguments come over singing in church, and christian rock. Meanwhile millions go poor, millions are murdered, and millions walk out of a church where nothing is said every Sunday for a lifetime and its Chris Tomlin, Jeremy Camp and Hillsong's fault for singing of the Glory of God. But not the Pastor who has neglected his flock because he doesn't have the time to search God's word for his church but can use an outline from Rick Warren for 40 days! Its not the national leaders that spend time in hotels, and argue over the communion bread, or the wording of a sentence when they should be out preaching to the lost. It is the words, it is the chords, and its the music that are hurting the people of the church. Somehow, it seems there is more to it.

In closing it is said that David became undignified before his wife for singing and dancing before God, his wife was punished while David was given a covenant with God that through his family the Messiah would come. For David his actions and words inspired all those around him, while Michal looked only at the words of the Law. For David the Law was on his heart, it was God that so inspired him, for Michal she had the commentary of men on how one is follow the code, but not the relationship with God.

If we continue down the rode of how we should preach, how we should worship, and how we should vote instead of where we should go, where we should preach, and where we should praise this will be our tombstone and it will read:

We became like Michal. Our legacy was like hers, the American church from then was barren until death.

5am

2010-01-02T01:53:00.001-08:00

It's 5 am and I can't sleep.

God does that sometimes when he wants to talk, right?

I am so confused.
I am so hurt.
I am so full of sin.

Oh, but there is forgiveness.
Oh, but there is redemption.
Oh, but there is an eternity to get this right, to love you God.

My heart is broken, for the world. Why are they so lost, why are we so lost?

God come now, and heal your people.
God come now and use me.

My heart, my heart, my heart is yours.

He is coming, on the white horse. He is coming.
Prepare the way for the Lord.

The King he is coming. Oh come King, return to your barren land.

I am comatose without you.
Bring me to life.
I am fully alive.
You said you would never leave.
Let's comb the room, stay all night.

My mind is a mess of redemption, of forgiveness, I am flooded by the weight of it all, but the yoke of my Jesus is beautiful. I will carry His cross today. Bring the pain, the blood the hate. I want the world to despise me, because Satan is king of this present darkness. I will scream at the top of my lungs that Jesus is Lord, and every knee shall bow before him, and everything confess that Jesus is Lord. If we fail the rocks will scream, the rocks will cry. The mountains crumble and the waves crash to make known the power and glory of the Lord Almighty.

I am nothing but a wretched sinner, a child before my Lord. Yet his coal has come now and touched my tongue, and my spirit is cleansed. Demons will have no power, only the words of my God shall forever spring from my mouth.

The tide has turned in me, I am no longer going to be a complacent observer of the failures of this world, to sin run rampant. The Lord God proclaims that He shall be a streetlight to those wandering lost in the darkness, he proclaims that this decade is His, and a harvest shall be reaped. Prepare, gird yourselves as His servant Job and question and He shall answer. He calls to his people now, come and I will cure your backsliding. Only in YHWH, the great I AM, is there forgiveness of your depravity.

God is majesty, and ascribe to him all praise, glory and honor. Make known to God that you are his so that at the judgment you may stand. Make your stance known, and put on the true armor of salvation so that you may withstand all the attacks that shall come.

Your Deliverer is at hand. He sits at the door and waits, with his heart in his hand. His story shall not wait.

He was born of a virgin circumcised as Emmanuel, Jesus, God with us, on the eight day.

He taught in the temple the priests, the elders at 12 for it was His house from before the time of creation.

He was an open vessel, baptized by John to fulfill all righteousness. He was the one of whom God said this is my son.

He healed the sick.

He gave hearing to the deaf.

The blind saw.

The dead walked.

He was betrayed for silver.

Judged falsely.

Beaten over 33 times.

Crucified a criminal.

Died as such.

Spent three days in a tomb not his own.

On the third day rose again. He conquered sin and death and has begun to bind Satan.

He lives to never die again.

His Kingdom comes with water and fire, and shall have no end.

Make straight your paths.

The Kingdom is here.

The King is returning.

Amen, Amen. Take heart you weak of spirit, and assailed in the flesh. Your King has won the victory why must you fear. Make strong your shaking knees, and go forth.

The battle calls your name.

How will they hear if there is no to tell them?

Do you call yourself a Christian?

I care not, call yourself a follower of the Most High God, a disciple of Jesus his Holy Son.

Labels mean nothing. The Lord God calls his people to action, why are you waiting? Does the earth stand still? Is tomorrow promised?

Make your word your life.

I am Sean Carroll, a wretched and dreadful sinner, prone to the death of sin and its powers. I Sean Carroll have been cleansed by a power none can conquer. Jesus has come down with his angels in tow and said, Sean, you are forgiven, the angels have exclaimed he is won to the Lord. Jesus said come and learn from me, come and follow me for my yoke is light and the burden easy.

I shall stand for God, and am no longer prone to the failures I have made in this world.

Amazing grace.

Please pray, please come with me. Fight for God and for his most holy Lamb?

Look now it may dark, but with dawn comes rejoicing.

Lord your redemption has a crazy power of us that were once lost. Thank you.

Speak through me once again.

Heaven cries Holy. That you are.

Lord I will follow and seek you every day no longer will the past hinder me.

A New Year, A New Life

2010-01-01T11:05:00.000-08:00

Recently I have found myself pondering and dwelling on God's words when it comes to salvation, and redemption. So many times in our church lives we hear of sin, sin, sin, and how we are so broken. I want to know what redemption really feels like.

I want to know what reality is.

This life I know is not real, it is not reality, this is something created by our brains, attacked by demons, and influenced by the world.

I want God's life to reign in me to realize that my sins are gone, that they aren't remembered.

Along those lines, how awesome is God, this was my devotion over the last few days.

Hebrews 8:10-12

10 "This is the covenant I will make with the house of Israel after that time, declares the Lord. I will put my laws in their minds, and write them on their hearts. I will be their God and they will be my people. 11 No longer will a man teach his neighbor, or a man his brother, saying "Know the Lord," because they will all know me, from the least to the greatest. 12 For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more."

The the first thing I read in 2010 was this, thank you Lord for this.

Deuteronomy 26:16-19

16 "The Lord your God commands you this day to follow these decrees and laws; carefully observe them with all your heart and with all your soul. 17 You have declared this day that the Lord is your God and that you will walk in his ways, that you will keep his decrees, commands and laws, and that you will obey him. 18 And the Lord has declared this day that you are his people, his treasured possession as he promised, and that you are to keep all his commands. 19 He has declared that he will set you in praise, fame and honor high above all the nations he has made and that you will be a people holy to the Lord your God as he promised."

So, as I begin 2010 God has told me it doesn't matter what they preach in Church, listen to me and I will speak to your heart, and you will be comforted. No that we are not to listen in Church, but when all our lives we have heard of the downfall of our sin, God does speak that he does not care about them, he loves us. He gave it all up for us to just come home, so in 2010 why don't we just come home? Why don't we just ask God and have the faith to listen?

There is a reality, and that is love beyond our wildest dreams. There is something more than this life. If we just confess and give up and call God how quickly He will rush to pick us up, all he is waiting for is us to say Help. The law was never made for us to uphold but to realize we can not live on our own. But now reality sets in, with redemption is the complete removal of our sins, we are claimed by God, and no demons, no sin, nothing can ever take us away.

10 Most Meaningful Songs to Me

2009-12-05T05:57:00.000-08:00

Colin tagged me and so I saw fit to make sure I filled out my list of 10 most meaningful songs to me, they may be right now, or they may be from way back but here they are.

10. Stay Awake-All Time Low

Go to sleep with the pressure of everyone....
The dedication takes a lifetime, but dreams only last for a night.

Believe you, me, I'll give them anything to show them everything

I have my share of nightmares, and feel the world on my shoulders, but this song says who doesn't. The sun will come up, the dreams only last for a night success is dedication of a lifetime.

9. Get Your Shine On -Birdman, Lil Wayne

They say I walk around like I got an S on my chest
I'ma specialist vet, No testin the best
I be in class, no pencil, no test on the desk...

I come to the defense like Champ Bailey, I'm gone with it

Some say I'm cocky, I'm just confident lol. This song gets me pumped, and has since football 2002.

8. The Great Escape -Boys Like Girls

We'll scream at the top of our lungs
They'll think its cuz we're young

Throw It away
Forget Yesterday
We'll make the great escape

Cause we are finally free tonight.

Love this song, it's about making your own way in life to me.

7. Don't Push Me - 50 Cent, Eminem, Banks

I need you to pray for me and
I need you to care for me and
I need you to want me to win
I need to know where I'm heading,'cause I know where I've been

Under my chest is the heart of a lion

These are my ideas
This is my sweat and tears

Just a song that says I need your prayers, and don't push me, cuz I am giving all I am for what needs to be done.

6. I Don't Care- Fall Out Boy

I Don't Care what you think,
As Long As It's about me,
The best of us can find happiness
In misery

I don't care what you think about me if you have something to say to me, say it. It's the essential song about those who talk about you, behind your back and wish they were you. In that case I respond with the chorus.

5. All Around Me -Flyleaf

My hands are searching for you
My arms are outstretched towards you
I feel you on my fingertips
My tongue dances behind my lips for you

This fire rising through my being
Burning I'm not used to seeing you

The music makes me sway
The angels singing say we are alone with you
I am alone and they are too with you

I'm alive, I'm alive

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing

Take my hand
I give it to you
Now you own me
All I am
You said you would never leave me
I believe you
I believe

This is how I felt in India, and it was unreal to feel God that present in everything going on. It how I wish I was with God all the time.

4. Remember the name- Fort Minor

This is ten percent luck, twenty percent skill
Fifteen percent concentrated power of will
Five percent pleasure, fifty percent pain
And a hundred percent reason to remember the name

nobody really knows how or why he works so hard
It seems like he's never got time
Because he writes every note and he writes every line
And I've seen him at work when that light goes on in his mind
It's like a design is written in his head every time
Before he even touches a key or speaks in a rhyme

This song just get's me amp'd. Work hard, never quit.

3. Heart of a champion-Nelly

I'm the first pick, the first round, signin bonus profound
Playin for his hometown, reppin for the home ground
And gettin bucked like Michael Redd, tell 'em again
I gets bucked like Michael Redd, heard what I said?
The MV-P of the game, intensity still the same
I'm shootin out from my reign, with Peyton Manning type aim
Can't stop me from scorin so they results to just hackin
So there's, three of us now - me, A.I. and Shaq and
From the look to the eyes I say
Cover man with more heart than Hallmark on Valentine's Day
I'm the one that you've been Raven about, like Ray Lewis
I think it hard to go and change your route
Cause you don't know if I'm blitzin or if I'm sittin and readin
Waitin for you to go and trip, drop back and throw up a pick, man

Football song, hard work song. Reminds me that "easy work is worthless" and I am going hard till the day I die.

2. I'm like a lawyer- Fall Out Boy

Last year's wishes
Are this year's apologies
Every last time I come home
I take my last chance
To burn a bridge or two
I only keep myself this sick in the head
Cause I know how the words get you {off}

We're the new face of failure
Prettier and younger but not any better off
Bullet proof loneliness
At best, at best

No matter what, we aren't that much better than we think. We never come through on a lot of our wishes and goal, and burn a lot of bridges in the process. We always talk about doing better than the last generation but never do.

1. Saturday- Fall Out Boy
I'm good to go
And I'm going nowhere fast
It could be worse
It could be taking you there with me
I'm good to go
But it looks like I'm still on my own

I'm good to go
For something golden
Though the motions I've been going through have failed
And I'm coasting on potential towards a wall
At a 100 miles an hour

When I say
Two more weeks
My foot is in the door (yeah)
I can't sleep
In the wake of Saturday (Saturday)
Saturday
When these open doors were open-ended
Saturday
When these open doors were open-ended

Pete and I attacked the lost Astoria*
with promise and precision and mess of youthful innocence
And I read about the afterlife
But I never really lived more than an hour (more than an hour)

When I say
Two more weeks
My foot is in the door (yeah)
I can't sleep
In the wake of Saturday (Saturday)
Saturday
When these open doors were open-ended
Saturday
When these open doors were open-ended

And I read about the afterlife
But I never really lived
And I read about the afterlife
But I never really lived

Two more weeks
My foot is in the door
Me and Pete
In the wake of Saturday
Saturday
When these open doors were open-ended
Saturday
When these open doors were open-ended
Saturday
Saturday

Let's see, this song is my anthem. It was the send-off song at my wedding. It was the last song on BND tour at Merriweather. It is about finally finding and doing something you love and not be able to live in its wake, and waiting for it to happen again. Hence every Saturday when they would play. I love this song.

Beauty, Busted, Restored

2009-12-02T09:11:00.000-08:00

She was a beautiful girl. She was given the world when she was younger. But the older she got the more pride crept in, as she continued to grow in beauty so did her pride and ego. She became a butterfly when she was married, flying and landing one man to the next. Her husbands could never keep her happy with presents and praise, they didn’t appreciate her beauty enough. Now she has become a wasp, everyone in the town avoids her. She is the epitome of beauty, only a little bit busted at this time.

The well, away from town is the only place she can cry, it is the only place she can forget. She goes early, but there is a man there. This man ask, “May I have a drink?” The woman wants to quickly avoid him and says, “Why, as a Jew, would you ask me a Samaritan.” The man replies, “Oh, only if you knew God as I did, I could give you much greater water than this well. You would never thirst again.” The woman replies, “Oh, I would love this water.” It is a chance for her to avoid the others. The man says, “Go, bring your husband and come back.” She replies, “I am not married.” “True, you’ve been married a lot, and living with someone else now” the man replies.

They continue to talk of theology, God and life, who are right Jew or Samaritan. Finally she says “I know the Messiah is coming.” The man says, “I am.” She excitedly hurries, renewed to the city, and brings many to him; she has found the Messiah, the Savior.

One conversation, in love can restore the beauty of this world. If we could be more like this Jesus, what could we do, who could we help, who could we save?

December 1st

2009-12-01T07:38:00.000-08:00

I must say I don't know what words will follow, but honestly these words will flow from my deepest spirit.

As I am job searching I am looking out of my window and see the apartment complex, the parking lot, the people with heads down go to cars to head to some dead end job where employers expect the world, but give little in return and will fire for no cause because they have a manager that runs the company to the ground while the "good" employees are name calling behind her back.

Now as I look up I see the sky clear blue, and the trees swing picturesque. The colors of fall are turning to the colors of winter the evergreens are ever present, looming a perfect image of endurance. A small, unique blue jay sets on the light post debating which direction he wishes to go.

Why can we not be like the blue jay, we have given up control to do as we wish. We run after the dollar sucked in by the oppression that is political economy. They make us think we need millions, that we need cars. All we need is our God.

But to us we have forgot HIM as well. He is a grandfather, a invisible sky god, removed as we try to build glorious towers that reach higher and higher, we think we can be HIM.

What are we?

We are somewhere between saint or sinner, our mind is full as we silently transgress. No one knows who we really are. We cling to hopes of recreation, we think humans, as if presidents, salvation bring. We bring nothing more than ever increasing desecration. We are the epitome of depravity. Life is nothing more than another dead cliche, it is beauty, busted.

Life

2009-11-25T10:26:00.000-08:00

I want to pretend that the world does spin slowly, and that fireflies never say goodbye.

It seems like we are little better than a lighting bug, who so quickly says goodbye as the sun rises. All we do in life is celebrate goodbyes. By the time we realize a new day is upon us, we say our goodbyes and run. We are perfect at running, and saying goodbye. We never take the time to express ourselves and show others what we really are, to show them the light which shines from within. We push down the things that are different. We push to fit-in. We push to never let our weakness show, to never let our uniqueness be appreciated. By the time we finally begin to know someone we are already beginning to run away. The dance only just begins but we are focused on the last dance, the send off. We go through school and celebrate our end with high school, and college graduation ceremonies, we celebrate the next step without looking back at the people and the first steps. We never truly tell someone how much they mean until a funeral.

There is so much we miss in life trying to find our own way, we miss so many unique dances that other would try to teach us, by not allowing ourselves to join them in a friendship. We are but mere acquaintances, simply acknowledging each other as we pass through a day.

If we ever realized how many misty eyes there are who have been so sad to see us say goodbye so soon.

Beaverdam United Methodist Youth

2009-11-24T15:44:00.000-08:00

So last night was my first ever planning meeting to set out a whole year's worth of events, programs, and trips. It was a little overwhelming at first to have to think a year in advance. I almost didn't know where to start, but now that its all over and done with I am really excited about all that is going to happen the end of this year, and the beginning of next year.

Just to give a heads up to all the youth we are having our end of the year Christmas party on December 20th.

Get ready for 2010, all I have to say is January 16th, 2010 Car Bash. That's the first event of the year I can only get more stoked about the future.

Past that I am working on finding some bands to come play in Beaverdam.

Here are the bands contacted so far that I am waiting to hear back from:
The Almost
Flyleaf
I Am Terrified

Pray that these bands will take up the chance and we can host something awesome.

2010 is going to be epic in Beaverdam, get ready, and come get a real dose of the living Christ.

A Facebook page for the youth group could be coming soon, we shall see.

Gonna knock em out with black nikes on his feet!

2009-11-03T18:20:00.001-08:00

I don't know if many of you remember that quote or know where it is from, so let me refresh your memory.

This quote is from the early part of the movie Friday Night Lights, one of my all time favorite movies. It comes from the locker room before the first practice of the season starts in the sweltering Texas heat at Odessa Permian High School. Boobie Miles is talking to his backup and says, Water Boy you got the wrong shoes, as for me, Bobbie Miles is gonna knock em out with black nikes on his feet ain't that right preacher.

Ivory then responds I can knock you out with flip flops.

So why am I spending time going over a quote from a movie, and a quote about shoes?

Recently at Beaverdam I have been leading a study on Ephesians, and in preparation I have reached the passage about the armor of God, in particular I found that Ephesians 6:15 in the Harper Collins, NRSV has a very interesting translation. Here is how it reads:
"As shoes for your feet put on whatever will make you ready to proclaim the
gospel of peace."

So, in reading this it is not like the other translations that say fit your feet with the gospel of peace, instead it makes the point that the writer was trying to make. That is, preach the gospel, no matter how, it must be done. Like Bobbie Miles said he was going to play with black nikes, and Ivory said he could do it in flip flops, whatever you need to make you ready to run to others to spread the Gospel put it on.

Some practical ways you can prepare to run to spread the Gospel are prayer, and study. We need to remember that we must preach educated and not simply brow beat those who have not heard. Like our shoes give us support and help us run smoothly, cut better and hold our ankles in place, that it what study of the Word will do. It will support us, it will keep us in place, and it will help us see the holes we need to run through, the smallest opening to preach the Gospel.

Like we have heard so many times, this is a battle between those of God, and those under the oppression of the evil one and his army. We must prepare, and we must be ready to stand and fight. So no matter how, use whatever makes you able to proclaim the Gospel to all around you.

I think I might use some Under Armour's because when they hear the click clack it's too late, or maybe some Nike Air Zoom Flights. But know that I am getting ready, and preparing in the Word for all the openings Jesus will ask me to run through.

Partnering Around the World

2009-10-09T19:52:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow at 10am the goal to help the people of Kolkata will be relaunched in my life. Since January of this year my heart has worked, prayed and beat for these people. Tomorrow is my first real chance here state-side to work for them again.

At Beaverdam Heritage Day my youth group from Beaverdam United Methodist Church will be fundraising for the children and youth of a partner group in Kolkata.

I am anxious, and nervous, but excited.

I hope that tomorrow through whatever comes God may be glorified and these people may begin to have some more support since all their backing has left in the economic downturn. I also pray that peoples' eyes may be open to the poor and broken of this world, that do not have a voice to cry out.

In spite of how rough our economy is I am constantly reminded from pictures and stories from friends in Kolkata how easy we have it. Let us not forget to praise God for the roofs we have, and the beds and food. In Kolkata there are over 200,000 children homeless, if we add in adults the number is over 450,000 people living homeless in the streets, grime and slums. How can we ignore these silent cries for help?

I pray that as you go about your days tomorrow, pray for us and this endeavor. I also ask that you pray how you may help.

We have been blessed abundantly in America, when will we start to give back?

Friendships, Life

2009-10-07T18:49:00.000-07:00

I was rolling through Myspace today, and looking at old comments (2005-present) because it seems now I just have a Myspace for the simple reason to work on website layouts or to give Colin a chance to work on a few different designs.

Anyway, the point is I have seen a lot of changes over the last few years and a few friends gained I would never have guessed and a few friends who have chosen to go different ways.

The point is, why do we enter into some friendships, and why do we let some go without a care in the world.

To some people I guess we are a chance to pass time, to others we are there to help for a while and then to let them go when they have mended. Some leave because they simply want to. Finally, a select few become family, they are there in the ups, and the downs, they have fought with and stood for us, and have always been there when we have needed them. They are the diehards for which we praise God, and they are the ones we will always strive to make proud. They will never abandon us, but will always offer help, and wisdom.

God has a reason he brings everyone into our lives and at the moment we may not know why he may have picked such an odd cast of characters, but, in the end we will realize they made the days and nights that we will never forget.

So to my friends, my family, I say thanks. Thanks for being there from the days of transferring high schools, to the ups and downs of college, to the wedding week, to the send off, thank you. To those of you who have taught me, and to those who have fought alongside me, thank you. We came from some crazy walks of life, and we randomly became family. I am truly speechless in thanks for all of you, and have no clue where I would be if not for you.

To anyone reading this I posit two quotes I have stumbled upon but have some meaning in my life.

"My heart represents my past, my heart. I used to worry a lot. Life for me now is to tell men, walk with who you are. You've never heard me say walk perfect -- walk with who you are. Be OK with who you are. Don't worry about being liked, don't walk through this world trying to be liked, that's being who you are, that's being respected, that's being respected, that's being who you are, Then you don't have to pretend that you're somebody you're really not."
-Ray Lewis

-and-

i want to be remembered for my loyalty, I will go down with the ship, my friends will be my friends when I'm on top and when I am down low. It takes a lot to lose me as a friend.

-Pete Wentz

As I look back on my life today I feel as if these two quotes are very close to me. I don't pretend anymore, but my heart will carry the past and will carry friends, and family forever. In that, I would say that has made me a pretty loyal friend and I can only hope to learn better how to be a friend as life goes on.

I think that it is for nostalgia at the time being, thanks for the memories.

Four Years Ago

2009-08-06T11:05:00.000-07:00

Recently I have been watching the countdown of the best plays in the Weis era at Notre Dame. The top few as they reach number one at the start of camp for the 2009 season have come from 2005. Namely Oct 15th, 2005 against USC. This was one of the greatest games in Notre Dame history even thought they did get hosed in the end.

What this countdown has done has made me think back to what I was doing in the fall of 2005 and how much things have changed.

1) I was a freshman in college at Randolph-Macon.
2) I was in the FYE In God's Good Time
3) I was playing football for the school.
4) I was a WR lol, thanks for screwing up the tapes student workers who sorted them out, what a story, ask and I will tell it.
5) I was 18.
6) In particular on Oct 15th we got our first win of the season 27-3 over Emory and Henry.
7) We were young, and time never mattered.
8) Life was easy. Class, football, goof off.

What were you guys doing in the Fall of 2005?

Why Do We Hide? The Follow Up.

2009-08-02T16:24:00.000-07:00

In my last post, I was just highlighting some of the things I noticed about church life, in that many of us hide. From a friends comment comes this post because he simply asked, so why do we hide. In this post I hope to talk about some of my reasons why I think as Christians we find it so necessary to hide from others what we really are. To make this somewhat lighter there are a few joke ideas. But then there are some more serious ideas that I feel if we as a "Church" addressed would create a dynamic change in one, our own lives, and two the socio-economic factors that burden so many of us and three, would be so revolutionary some church folks would be irritated but would shock our culture and draw people back to Jesus.

- Our church friends might find out that we like secular music.
- We all know that we love our Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance, or Michael Jackson but to show that we listen to music that is not solely about praising God to some might sound like we are on the wrong side of the war, and that we are giving into too many temptations. By this I am in no way attacking the Christian music industry. Yes, some of it is very played out and over played however there are some really awesome bands coming onto the scene like Destroy the Runner, I AM Terrified, and The Beautiful Republic that talk about real life, in a less than Sunday morning worship format and its refreshing to hear music that grapples with the challenges we face.

- Our church might realize that we have been angry before.
- How many times do we come to church and walk in the door right after being a part of a huge disagreement with someone close, yet as soon as we meet the greeters and ushers at the door we become our "Praise the Lord, it's good to see you Hal" selves. In the process we don't only come before the altar with a grudge against our brother or sister we stifle a disagreement that will become worse later, and hide ourselves from others while in the process taking on more of a burden than we need. Remember Jesus told us to settle our disputes before coming to His altar, then we can worship and learn freely. So if you have a dispute, come in late for once, and stop acting like you are living a perfect life.

- Our church might realize our family isn't perfect.
- Everyone has the image in their head that every church family is composed of great parents, who live in a nice house with the white fence and dog. They always pay their bills on time, they are always together at meals and they are always at each others events. We never let people realize how hard it is to work and love, and how sometimes our families get mad and argue with each other. How much more awesome would it be if as families we shared burdens and struggles? We could become a community, that in cases helped with excess bills, mortgages and accidents so that parents didn't have to stress and that could work to better each others lives. How awesome would it be to come before the church and ask for a little help, and then to help someone else out when the food is running low, or the electric may be switched off. This would be such a better use of tithe than to maintain a new parking lot fund, or a build a mega church sanctuary fund. Think of how awesome it would be to build a family that was like don't worry we know times our rough and we want to help instead of preaching bring your tithe so we can have movie theater seating. Sit in a pew and get to know someone!

- Our church would know that we are spiritually weak.
- When at church we hide that we may not know a lot about a given prophet, or a given book. We even hide that we may not know where the book is. But remember we our still children to the most high God, the more we seek to learn and the more questions we ask how much more will we learn? We also may hide that we have our own personal struggles, because we will be attacked, or blamed in the Church. How many times have our churches kicked someone out because he admitted a problem and yet we never sought to help. That is not our community, that is not the body. How I pray that the Church would return to the love of Jesus and pray with the soul that struggles, and would allow him to admit his own shortcomings. How many times have we been the city that kicked out the demon-ridden man Legion and heaped chains upon him to keep him out (Mark 5:1-20). We have made so many outcasts and run so many away because they are unclean, please let us look to Jesus and his love and his prayers for others.

- Our church would know we are sinners.
- It's true we act like we are the saints. We talk about those we know and their shortcomings. As Jesus said, we look to remove our brother's speck while ignoring the log sticking out of our own eye. Remember, none have achieved the glory God requires other than Jesus, and we will never do it on our own. We are like the prostitute caught in adultery, we are the tax collector, we are the demon possessed, we are the betrayers, we are the ones who cried crucify him. It was our sins that scarred him, but his resurrections offers salvation. When in church we must realize that we are the sick Jesus came for, and not the righteous. If the church would remember that we would then again be able to heal and move on, there would be less hurt. A great quote I would like to put with this comes from C.S Lewis writing in the Chronicles of Narnia. As Edmund was saved and the other children saw him with Aslan, Aslan told them your brother is safe, and there is no need to discuss the past. Admit sin, and move on. Jesus did not condemn the prostitute, he told her go and sin no more. We have been freed, but we need to realize that and preach that. Otherwise we stay stuck because we have no one to talk to, and no one who can love us out of it. Therefore, we never realize that we are already free before it began and just need to cling to our Jesus.

In closing, these are some of the reasons I feel we hide. The Church today has not allowed us to be free, and until it truly return to its roots people I believe will still have to hide. But this is not a blog to simply state irritations, it is a proclamation to work for revolution. We need to return to the revolutionary message of Christ Jesus and seeks its implementation. We need to bring healing to the sick, and by that we need to let the sick come. Mother Theresea said we worship a homeless man on Sunday and ignore him on Monday. That's not following Jesus.

We can no longer wall ourselves off as righteous because even then we will not be allowed to enter the churches. We need to take the church to the people. We are the church not the sanctuary. As we seek to open up, let us prayerfully consider how to, and how we can also include others. As Christians we are hypocrites, we have done so much wrong but on Sunday's we act so right. That is how we have chained so many to their sins because they feel they can not come. I am part of the Church of Christ, let us break bread with other sinners like us. Our God is the God of the unclean, and savior to the hopeless. Let's start the Church of the Sinners, and celebrate the Patron Saint of Lost Causes, cause Lord you know that's what we are.

Why are we hiding?

2009-07-31T12:57:00.000-07:00

Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain
But if the invitation’s open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade
---Casting Crowns

Are we happy plastic people? It seems so much like we are. It seems that we are hiding behind a facade of perfectness. But why do we hide, why do we act like we have it all together?

I do not remember Jesus calling us to hide, or to be perfect. He simply told us to give it up and follow him. Look at the disciples, the apostles and the early church. They never proclaimed perfection, they claimed righteousness through grace. This means they recognized that they could never get it together, and could not do it on their own. Look at Peter, one of Jesus' closest friends, and one who studied with Jesus. He denied Jesus three times, but still became a foundation to the early church and a great witness.

So many times, I know that I myself have taken on the role of acting like I have it all together and have it planned out. But really inside I am worried, and lost, and am nothing more than a sinner that apart from the grace of Christ Jesus would be abandoned to my sin. I ask others of you, followers of Christ, let us be a little more transparent. Please let others know that you struggle, then maybe we can take down the curtain of perfection we require people to pass through before they can come into our churches.

Let us make it known that we are sinners saved by a truly amazing grace. That covers everything we have done and will do. Our God loves us more than we could ever fathom, we are his creation, and he longs to love us. Let us open ourselves up to that love as we truly fear him and plead for his help. In the end, we don't have it together, we are all sinners who fall way short of the glory of God. But remember the good good news. We don't have to measure up, we just need to give up our lives and ask God to lead us.

Come out of hiding, and into the arms of God.

Bring the Reign

2009-06-28T19:07:00.000-07:00

So, I just got home from taking my youth on a trip to Fredericksburg, VA to see Shane Claiborne speak and spend some time doing some mission work in the streets of old Fredericksburg.

Shane got me thinking. Here is why. We, I believe as Christians are great at complaining and I will be the first to say that I have done my own fair share. We seem to always have a problem with the "Church" or with its leadership. However, we have forgotten that we are the answer to our own problems. The "Church" was not made to be some disembodied, disjointed group, but a cohesive group working to better the world, that actually took what Jesus said as what he meant. The Church is to be a band of brothers and sisters, or a band of wounded healers.

So I will ask us to begin to re-read the Gospel and to think while reading it, "What if Jesus meant what He said?" How will that change, and alter our lives, thinking and actions? More so, how will that reshape the Church in America, and in the world?

I feel it will be truly revolutionary.

I believe that if we undertake this challenge together, and pray with each other we will be much closer to the community that God has willed, and will begin to change those around us.

Like Jesus said in the Gospel of Matthew when we reach the Day of Judgment we will not be bombarded with doctrinal, nor theological problems. There will be no question of virgin birth, infant baptism, or Baptist or Methodist. Jesus will ask when did we feed the hungry, clothe the homeless, and visit those in prison. We are called to be a people of action, and that means we will need to begin to act like the church and not just talk like one.

People today do not want a sermon, they do not want the way of the master. They are looking for something that fascinates and interests, or something that will challenge them.

I will say, that I will start this new journey, and undertake it with fear, and joy constantly looking for the awesome trouble that Jesus will get me into. I pray for others to come with me, and to pray with me for the Church.

Like our youth group now yells, "Bring The Reign!" Its more than the afterlife, its the present life. So let's bring some healing, hope, and love to those around us. Let us take what Jesus said as truth and become a true counter culture that works against interrupted grace, and preaches a gospel of scandalous love.

news coming

2009-05-26T23:07:00.000-07:00

Sorry I have been away for awhile, but life sometimes does that to you. Coming in the next few days will be some updates on life, some writing samples, and some poems, and even some songs, if you steal them you best believe I will sue you.

Anyway, have a great day, talk to all of you later in the blogosphere.

It's Time for a Revolution

2009-05-01T08:29:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I just got out of my only class today, Christian Ethics, and I feel sick to my stomach and want to disregard everything that I have read and discussed so far. But, I know I can't do that.

CNN just released a report on a survey done by the Pew Research Center which was conducted from April 14-21. And in it was shown that mainline Protestants and Evangelicals support torture of suspected terrorists and the more a person attends service the more likely they are to support torture of suspected terrorists. This is appalling to me and has deeply shaken my faith in the American Church and how it seeks to spread the Gospel. 54% of Americans that attend services weekly say it is often okay to torture!!!!

Does anyone else see the disconnect here. How can someone go to church weekly and think that it is often okay to torture. What is the American Protestant Church preaching on Sunday mornings??? Those who were not affiliated with any church and did not attend service were against the torture of suspected terrorists, yet those of us who claim to be followers of the King of Peace, and the followers of a loving and merciful God say sure lets go torture someone we think is a terrorist. The survey did not even say the person was a terrorist, just suspected this is like McCarthyism at its best, how many people's lives did Joseph McCarthy ruin? Yet we seek to do it all over again. Now if you are an American or not, this survey does not discriminate, all there needs to be is a suspicion and apparently the Christians in the country think that its okay to torture you.

Please God save us! If this is the church in America I want no part of it, we need a revolution and we need one now. This can not continue, Americans, Christians can not attend services and vow that torture of suspected criminals is allowable or justifiable. If this is Christianity, I would say it is dead in America.

Jesus was a pacifist, plain and simple, he rejected violence and opposition and took the punishment and pain of the TORTURE of crucifixion. He calls us to be like him, to love our enemies and to love our neighbors as self. Now do we think that torture is love? I suggest that we do not, yet our churches have brainwashed many into some form of political religion where America and Jesus are the same and our allegiance is to both. God blesses those who follow him, America is not a ordained country for special purposes but a nation like any other that MUST follow human rights. As Christians our first responsibility is not to America, it is not to Obama, it is to God, the one who saves, the only one who can save. In this we must reject the path the church is on. We as true followers of Christ that recognize the violations of human dignity from American torture to the merciless kidnapping and war in Uganda, and Darfur, we must bond together. We must make known that we will not let the Gospel be ruined. We must revolt, we must change the church. We need to drop to our knees and pray, and pray as we have never prayed before. Even more we must pick up the cross of scorn and be hated by others so that the truth may be told. If we will not do it then the rocks will cry out.

I leave us with these two verses.

1 Peter 2: 23 "When he was abused, he did not return abuse; when he suffered, he did not threaten; but he entrusted himself to the one who judges justly.

Luke 19:40 "I tell you, if these were silent, the stones would shout out."

Miracles

2009-04-21T09:25:00.000-07:00

I heard an interesting comment today in class, it was that miracles don't happen today, I think the rationalists were right in England, we need to understand things the way they are today.

I have to strongly disagree with that.

Miracles happen all the time, we just need faith. Here is an example, while in India, we were riding around Kolkata on our free day with some of our new friends. Kolkata, and India in general is a Hindu nation, and evangelizing or preaching in public is not allowed. However, we are in a taxi on a ride back to Salt Lake and our hotel and our friend, Aklesh takes the time to go through a conversation about God with him while touching on all the Hindu gods he has in the car. In the process the man expresses he wants to know more about Christ and he prays with us, meanwhile the whole car full of us is praying for this man. That is a miracle, this man a strong Hindu sees the light of God while driving a taxi full of us "kids."

Secondly, every time a flower opens is a miracle, the fact that we breathe is a miracle, and it is the very breath of God that is in us.

If you want a miracle pray and have faith, they are here and they happen. Just because the ocean doesn't part, or you don't pass a test is by no signs that God does not work amazing things into everyday of our lives, take time to look for them, God makes himself known all the time.
Just look at this image of space, I definitely would classify that as a miracle and a sign from God. How about you?

INDIA

2009-04-20T08:44:00.000-07:00

Hey guys, I just finished my first ever short windows movie but it is a compilation of pics from India and credit those to Chelsea Dickey.

But here it is.

Say Something Theological...Church

2009-04-15T06:34:00.001-07:00

I challenge all of you to read the article written by Hauerwas on Jonestown. It will more than likely make your blood run hot and make you a little bit irritated, and here is the kicker I completely agree with all the Hauerwas proposes in the article.

The failure and murder at Jonestown is an indictment. It is an indictment to our passivity and failure to stand for the beliefs that are God has sent down to his community and even more a failure of the Church to live in like of the cross. It is our failure to not be bold and state false for false simply for the sake of not rocking the boat of tolerance.

Jim Jones was able to advocate a public theology and win a following and found a true alternative community, in essence in his cultic stance he was able to make a more "Christian" community then the church has had since before the conversion of Constantine. Further, he was able to win theological arguments with his converts and mainstream Christians because the Church has not stood against heresy or taught its people how to decisively argue against it, or see it. That is clear in his throwing away the Bible because it got in the way of understanding and no one, NO ONE, objecting, but agreeing.

As a church we need some serious change. We really need to be an alternative community. The call of the church is more than what we do for an hour on sunday mornings, and occassionaly for an hour on Wednesday and Sunday nights. We are called to be witnesses to fulfill the great commission. We are called to be the church, we are not called to blend in with society and make pals. Our work is God's work, it is challenging and we should make claims informed by our faith, and then people may see that we are something vital, and that we do have something important to say.

Let's be a community, completely seperate and other than society. Let's show the world what real Christianity is, in essence let's be the church. Then, maybe, we will finally start to see some change around here.

Beaverdam UMC

2009-04-14T10:33:00.000-07:00

Sorry I have been away for a little bit, but I have been pretty bogged down with wedding planning, and with catching up and trying to get ahead on school work. Anyway, I have recently been named the Youth Director at Beaverdam United Methodist Church, and it is a blessing to serve there. The people are truly devoted to God and to doing his will something that a lot of churches forget to do while seeking to fulfill their own desires, but that is another blog.

I officially get to head into the classroom and begin teaching this week and that will be awesome. The youth group is about 25 kids, from a church of about 40 people, so it is going to be awesome to get to work with the church and see where God leads over the next few years.

I ask those of you that read this to please pray for Beaverdam and the youth, pray that God continues to work in the kids lives and their parents as well, also pray that I can continue to seek Him first and see His will for his kids.

Okay, now it is off to take a quiz in Islam and then off to lead a discussion on Jonestown with other religious studies major. But on a high note, less than 25 actual classes left until I graduate.

Equality of Men and Women

2009-04-01T19:00:00.001-07:00

I am finishing up my education here at Randolph-Macon as any of you who read this post may know, and I am currently taking two classes that will really get your mind tracking when it comes to our ideas of Christianity.

Recently a great mentor and my professor Dr. Breitenberg, has presented our class with the idea of women in Christianity. Anyone and especially women will note that they have constantly been oppressed in the faith and held out of major roles like deacons, missionaries and especially ministers and pastors of churches. This is especially true in my own denominational background Southern Baptist. But in this hierarchy of sex the church has overlooked some fundamental scriptures, namely the first scriptures of the whole Bible.

I would like to talk about Genesis chapters 1 and 2.

This comes from Genesis 1:

"²⁶ Then God said, "Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, ^b]">[b] and over all the creatures that move along the ground."

²⁷ So God created man in his own image,
in the image of God he created him;
male and female he created them.

²⁸ God blessed them and said to them, "Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground.""

When we see this scripture God is calling for the creation of man and women, for humankind all together and at once. What does this mean for us? Well, it is rather simple, he created men and women on equal footing, and of equal standing before him. There is to be no hierarchy of the sexes, there is to be none of this men are to have the higher and superior role because they are made in the image of God. All of mankind was made in God's image. And, to further that statement I would like to ask, have any of us ever seen God? Do we know what His image even is? The resounding answer is no, we have never seen God and to state that one sex was made more in the glory of God is atrocious and ludacris.

Another piece of scripture that supports this is found in Genesis 2. It is the description of the creation of men and women, and what God clarifies about that creation.

Gen 2: 18 " Then the Lord God said, "It is not good that man should be alone; I will make for him a helper as his partner."

And

Gen 2:24 "Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother CLINGS to his wife, and they BECOME ONE FLESH."

Here we see that woman was not made to be subservient, she was made as a helper and a partner, not under, not above, but to work side by side with her man. Therefore, we should realize that all women must be made equal for us to truly enter into the community God ordained. Also, the chapter goes on to conclude that a man clings to his wife, he holds fast to her like a baby to his mother. Clinging is almost the equivalent of holding on for dear life, and that is what Adam did with Eve. This is not a picture of Adam lording over his wife, and making her submiss to his every want and whim. Sin has ruined this picture. We need to remember that like the one flesh that men and women came from they are to return to being one flesh with each other, through relationship, and through family and marriage.

Memorial to Mike Hassan

2009-03-31T08:38:00.001-07:00

I wrote this over the music and chorus to Diddy's memorial to Biggie, its about a good friend of mine who died four years ago on Friday.

Missin You (Memorial to Mike Hassan)

This right here goes out to Mike Hassan
I really still miss you man
Yesterday we used to rock the show
On the field wont no one ever better be
That fresh number 48, the hard knock 22
What was it another hit stick from Mike Hassan
Then we’d scoop the ball and score one man
On the field whats that chant we used to say
Game Time, Go Time, Our Time yeah.

Every step I take
Every Move I make
Every single day
Every time I pray
I’ll be missing you
Thinking of the day when you went away
What a life to take, what a bond to break
I’ll be missing you

We used to talk about summer man
Sun up to sun down working at the State Park
Going off to college having fun all day man
Making money to spend it for the fam
Never thought that it would be you He take
From that, still today I feel a little in the dark
You used to say that you weren’t ever growin up
Guess you knew more than we ever could cuz
I know you heaven smiling down
And when we die it’ll be you we meet when we get up
Cuz…

Every step I take
Every Move I make
Every single day
Every time I pray
I’ll be missing you
Thinking of the day when you went away
What a life to take, what a bond to break
I’ll be missing you

I can’t believe we lost you on that rainy day
Who would of thought that April 3rd could be such a heartache day
From now till the end of time life is in remembrance of you my dude
You were a light to the world and a friend to the friendless
Losing you it really just seems so mindless
Cuz my mind its still gonna be depressed
Watch over us man
Every day let us know that its you whose smiling down
Make sure that we don’t ever frown
But when times get rough we remember the smile of your’s Mike Hassan

One glad morning when this life is over
I know I’ll see your face

Every step I take
Every Move I make
Every single day
Every time I pray
I’ll be missing you
Thinking of the day when you went away
What a life to take, what a bond to break
I’ll be missing you